Loss is Essence: Seeder's Untold Story
by mimipat
Summary: My first fanfic! AU. Seeder is a lot younger and Chaff is her brother and Rue was her best friend, her point of view during Catching Fire. I feel like Seeder is an underappreciated character so I decided to give this a try.
1. Chapter 1

I can't help but feel intimated as the District 1 boy looks down on me and sneers. A part of me wants to cry, scream, do _something_, but I'm frozen from fear (and because he has me pinned to the ground, my stomach squeezed between his thighs). He gives me a devious look as he takes out his knife, and I know.

_I'm gonna die. I'm _so _gonna die_.

I hope for Chaff and Rue's sake that this is quick. When this is done, at least I'll be with my parents and brother and sister...

But of course he wants to give the audience a show.

"To be honest, you were pretty hard to catch," he says, holding the tip of the knife against my chin, tilting my head up so my eyes make contact with his cold, ruthless ones. "Hiding in the trees like a bird. Typical of an eleven _kacara_."

I clench my jaw and glare at him with whatever courage I can muster, even though on the inside I'm breaking. _Kacara_ is what the Capitol and other districts call people from my district. It means unworthy, dirty blood.

He suddenly smiles darkly and leans forward so close that his lips brush against my ear.

"Always wanted to carve this bird."

My eyes widen and I barely have time to process what's going on as he plunges the knife into my left forearm. The silent tears slide down my face as I feel metal sink into flesh, the excruciating pain, the burning of the cuts, the green grass turning red from the blood. _So much blood._ And then I can't help it. I let out a blood curdling scream. It only encourages him to cut deeper.

"Seeder! SEEDER!"

I'm jolted awake by someone shouting my name, my heart still pounding in my chest. I look into my brother kneeling at my bedside as tears well up in my eyes, and he instinctively wraps his arms around me as I bury my head in his chest, listening to his heartbeat, still trembling. Even though it's been more than two years since I got out of that hellhole they call an arena, I still have bad dreams about the place...

"Nightmare?" he asks quietly.

I nod my head.

"The same one," I mumble, looking down at my arm.

The word 'kacara' is etched into my skin, though it's now a white, faded scar. My little 'souvenir' of the games.

"It's okay," he whispers, stroking my hair. "I'm here with you."

We stay like that for a few minutes until I finally push myself out of his grip and look into his eyes, suddenly remembering.

"Chaff?" I say.

"Yes?"

"Today's the day."

He half smiles, his eyes full of sadness.

"I failed Rue," I say, choking back tears as he hugs me again. "My best friend, dead. Why couldn't she have just taken the money when I offered it to her?"

"We tried, Cece," he whispers. "I really thought she had a chance, but the games are so... unpredictable. The least we can do is honor her ally."

I push myself out of his grip and pull my covers off me as I get out of bed, pulling on a thick shirt over my tank top.

"It's not even dawn yet," he says as I walk into the bathroom.

"I know," I say, pulling my hair back into a ponytail. "But I'm going to go visit a friend."

He nods sleepily as I walk back into my room, pulling on some pants over my pajama shorts.

"I'm going back to bed," he says, yawning, walking towards his room. "Be back by ten," he says over his shoulder. " We gotta start getting ready by then."

"M'kay," I say, pulling on some socks, boots, and a jacket.

Then I'm out the door, running down the familiar roads. Normally, they'd be crowded with people heading to work, but everything's closed for today because of the upcoming event. And as I reach the district cemetary, flowers in my hands, I have only one thought on my mind: today's the day of the Victory Tour.

* * *

**so what'd you think? pretty good, average, terrible (hopefully not)? please comment and review, i love that stuff, and ill update pretty soon. and in case youre wondering, kacara means trash in hindi, so yeah.**

**ps did you notice the harry potter reference? ;3**


	2. Chapter 2

I walk up and down the aisles slowly in the sectioned off part of the cemetary, dedicated spefically to those who've fallen in the games. The tombstones go in pairs for each year's tributes, or occasionally there's the single tomb. We're not Career material, but our district definitely has our fair share of victors.

I stop at the most recently added pair of tombstones. I read the words on the one to the left. _RIP Thresh Hammington, 18 years_. I lay a tulip down in front of the stone. I didn't know him, but he still felt sad when Rue died. Speaking of which...

My eyes (unwillingly) shift to the tombstone to the right, and it choke back back a sob as I read the words, _RIP Rue Lemmings, 12 years._

I lay down a single rue flower and close my eyes as the memories wash over me.

_'Welcome, a ladies and gentlemen, to the reaping for the 72nd annual Hunger Games,' Brin Chappery said in a rather enthusiastic voice which was obviously fake- even the twelve year olds could tell!_

_I caught Chaff's eye and rolled my eyes as Brin babbled on about how its an honor to represent our district and yadayadayada._

_'And now,' she said, jolting me from my thoughts, 'as always, ladies first.'_

_The crowd watched as she strutted over to the large glass ball holding and sunk her arm deep, searching for a victim- er, _tribute-_ finally snagging a slip. The crowd sucked in a collective gasp as she strutted back to the microphone, unfolding the paper. Her eyes widened for a second, then she composed herself and her lips parted, sealing the poor victim's fate-_

_'Seeder Kerrigan.'_

My eyes open and I sigh as I look at Rue's name, then get up and start walking towards the tombstone from the seventy second games. I stop when I'm in front of it. _RIP Kern Rendwick. _My district partner...

I lay down a single rose on his tombstone, then get up after a few seconds, moving to specific set of tombstones. I lay down an orchid on each one, avoiding their names as I get up and start walking to the exit. I stop when I suddenly feel the warm rays on my back, and turn around to see the sun just starting to peek from the horizon, a faint yellowish orange round blob against the dark sky. I close my eyes and stand there soaking in the rays of sunshine for some time. Could be ten minutes, could be two hours, I loose track. I sigh when I finally do open my eyes, though, and start walking back to the exit. But right before I leave, I look with saddened eyes back at the two specific gravestones from the 66th hunger games. And as I start the walk back to my house, I blink my eyes to keep the tears from falling as the words stick in my mind. _RIP Flynn Kerrigan, 16 years. RIP Azalea Kerrigan, 17 years._

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**i know, kinda short, but as the saying goes, 'quality over quantity'. anyway I'll update soon, please comment and review, I love that shtuff, and yeah. Peace, unicorns, and epicness ;3**


	3. Chapter 3

By the time I get back home, Chaff's already showered and changed. He's sitting on the couch watching television. I plop down on the couch and see Katniss and Peeta on the screen. They're hugging and smiling, but to be honest, it seems... artificial. Fake. Like they're doing this on purpose...

Katniss leans in to kiss Peeta, and Chaff slaps his good hand over my eyes. I giggle. Sometimes he's so overprotective.

"You should probably get ready," he says after he removes his hand to reveal the lovebirds boarding the train.

"'Kay," I say, walking my room, suddenly feeling a pit in the bottom of my stomach.

I take a quick shower and change. As I'm drying my hair in my room however, I hear voices coming from the living room. Then I realize.

"Lilac!" I say.

"Cece!" she says excitedly, bounding into my room.

I pick her up in a hug, laughing. When I look up, I see a tall, skinny young woman standing in my doorway. I prop Lilac on my hip.

"Hi Mrs. Lemmings," I say.

"Hello Seeder," she says.

Though she's smiling, her eyes are full of sadness, and I feel the familiar pit in my stomach again. Before I can say anything, she has me in a death grip, sobbing into my shoulder. My heart breaks, and I wrap my other arm around her. I also feel Lilac bury her head in my side.

"I'm so sorry," I say to them. "I failed her. I was supposed to get her out..."

Mrs. Lemmings takes Lilac from me.

"It's not your fault," she says quietly, shaking her head.

She looks at me sadly one last time before walking out of the room, and I hear a door close. Then Chaff walks into my doorway, his eyes glazed. I sit down on my bed and pull on my boots. Chaff silently walks up to my bed and sits down, leaning his head on my shoulder. We stay like that for a while.

"Its not just enough for them that they make us go through all this," I finally say. "They have to have a celebration six months later to throw it in our faces that we failed our tributes."

"That's the Capitol for you," Chaff says quietly, his voice full of spite.

He gets up. I look at him tiredly and he motions for me to follow. Wordlessly, I pull on my jacket and follow him out to the awaiting car, turning around to look at the house before slipping into the backseat next to my brother.

* * *

As the car pulls up at the Town Square, the first thing I notice is how small the crowd is. Not as many people show up for the Victory Tour because of the harvest. As we get out, Chaff and I are herded by Peacekeepers to a roped off part of the crowd meant for victors. When they leave, I finally look back to see the risers. There's two raised up holographic pictures of Thresh and Rue, with their families standing in front of their respective pedestal. There's two women at Thresh's picture, and at Rue's is her mother and five siblings. Lilac and her siblings are clinging to their mother. I take a shaky breath and turn around. That's when the booming voice takes over the speakers, and the crowd's immediately quiet.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present the victors of the 74th hunger games: Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark."

Claps come from the audience, though I can tell they're half hearted. Then the two come through the doors, clutching the others hand, looking as elegant as they do on tv. The mayor starts to give his usual speech. While he's doing that, Katniss's eyes flutter among the audience, then land on what's obviously Thresh and Rue's families. A look of guilt flashes across her face, then moves to our roped off part of the crowd. She scans the lot of us, then a look of surprise comes across her face as her eyes rest on me. My eyes bore into hers, and I know she's looking at me because I'm younger than everyone else.

The mayor finishes his speech, and the two make their way to the microphone. Then Peeta takes out some cards and begins a speech that's obviously been written by Effie, judging from the choice of words. He starts on another sentence, but then pauses. My eyebrows knit in confusion and there's some murmured whispers among the crowd. Then Peeta drops the cards to the ground and looks back at the crowd.

"Thresh and Rue fought with honor and dignity. They were both so young. Neither of them deserved this fate."

My eyes widen, and I can't look away. I feel like a moth drawn to a flame.

"But our lives aren't just measured in years," he continues. "Their measured in the lives of the people we touch. Myself, Katniss, we know that without them, we wouldn't be here today. So to honor them, even though it will never be able to make up for your loss, we will donate a month of our winnings each year to the tributes' families for the rest of our lives."

Theres a bunch of gasps and murmers among the crowd. I simply stare, my eyes wide. Katniss squeezes his hand and kisses his cheek. He motions her to the microphone and I lean in expectantly. She curtly shakes her head. My eyes start to tear up with the mayor comes forth and starts his concluding speech. I'm not listening though, instead keeping my gaze fixed on Katniss. How can she just stand there and say nothing? Not acknowledge the tributes? Stay absolutely silent?

She catches my eye, but instead of looking away, keeps looking at me. I shake my head, disappointed, my eyes cold. Her face changes to a look of surprise.

The mayor finishes his speech. The Peacekeepers start to escort the victors back. That's when Katniss suddenly stumbles forward.

"Wait, please!" she says.

She stumbles to the microphone. She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, obviously not knowing what to do. She finally takes a deep breath and begins.

"I didn't know Thresh much," she says, looking at his family. "I spoke to him just once. That one time was enough for him to let me live. Something I'll never be able to repay him for."

The crowd is completely silent now, hanging onto her every word. She turns to Rue's family.

"But I did know Rue. She wasn't just an ally, she was a friend, a sister, to me. Everything beautiful I see reminds me of her. I see her in the flowers that grow by my house. In the mockingjays that sing back home. I see her in-"

Her voice cracks.

"But most of all, I see her in my sister, Prim. She was too gentle, too young. And I couldn't protect her. I'm sorry."

By now, tears are flowing down my cheeks, and I hear sniffles around me, not just from the victors. Katniss looks at me, and I nod at her approvingly. She smiles sadly at me.

Then from somewhere in the crowd comes the four note whistle, the one that Rue taught Katniss in the arena. I search where the source of the sound is, and find it's an elderly man with graying hair. Then he takes the three middle fingers of his left hand to his lips and holds them out to Katniss. Before I can stop myself, I do the same. People look at me, then Chaff follows suit, and soon, everyone from our district joins in, a spontaneous wave of hands, to say thank you and farewell to the victors.

The sudden stomping of heavy boots brings me back to my senses. The Peacekeepers barge through the crowd, then begin to drag the old man to the front of the podium. My eyes go wide. Some people have begun to protest, trying to push against the barricade of Peacekeepers. Katniss has lunged herself forward, screeching for them to leave him alone, only to be held back by two Peacekeepers, who're pushing her, along with Peeta, back through the doors.

They push the old man to his knees, then one of them takes out his gun. We're all yelling and shouting by now, pushing past the crowd of Peacekeepers. I duck under the rope and start running forward, only to be grabbed by a Peacekeeper. The old man looks at Katniss just as the doors close. And then a bullet is put through his head.

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**so from now, I think the chapters will be around this length. anyway, please review, they make a very happy mimi :) anyway I'll update soon, so until then, peace and unicorns :3**


	4. Chapter 4

If I thought things were out of control before, I couldn't be more wrong. There's absolutely no order now, people shouting so loud I can't even hear myself think. The Peacekeepers are trying (to no avail) to contain the crowd. I elbow the guy holding me hard in the ribs, and he lets go of me in pain and I run. The Peacekeepers are calling for assistance, and the Head Peacekeeper shouts with a megaphone to the crowd, who's not listening. Then he fires two shots into the air, hoping it will simmer the situation. It doesn't work. If anything, this seems to anger the crowd even more. They're knocking knocking over things, destroying crops meant for the Capitol, and attacking Peacekeepers. It is complete and utter chaos.

More Peacekeeper trucks move in now. They step off the trucks, wearing bulletproof vests and armed with tasers, whips and guns. That's when I feel someone grab my arm. I spin around, thinking it's a Peacekeeper ready to slug him when I realize it's Chaff dragging me to the car.

"But what about-" I start to protest.

"Sorry Cece, but we're getting out of here, now."

I glare at him before wordlessly slipping into the passanger seat as he slips into the driver's seat. I look on coldly ahead as we drive off, leaving the chaos behind.

After about an hour, I finally say it.

"We should've helped!"

He looks at me and rolls his eyes.

"And have you get shot, or worse?" he says coldly. "You _know _the Peacekeepers wouldn't hesitate to, even of you _are_ a victor. And what about me? What do you think that would do to me if anything happened to you!"

His voice has risen to the point where he's yellingt he last part out. I flinch. He never yells at me. Chaff's face softens.

"I just don't wanna lost anyone else I love," he finally says quietly.

I look down.

"How long?" I say. "How long will the Capitol keep this up? It's completely unfair!"

"I know," he says. "They're tyrants, I agree, but one day they'll fall. They can't stay in control forever."

"Riiiiight," I say sarcastically, smirking. "And what makes you so sure of that?"

His eyes go wide and he suddenly finds the patterns on the steering wheel very interesting. My eyes narrow.

"Chaff?" I say.

He doesn't look at me.

"What makes you sure-"

"We're home!" he says in an over enthusiastic voice.

Before I cans ay anything, he bolts out of the car into our house, leaving me there. I sigh and finally walk in.

* * *

The next few days, Chaff and I stay in our house, trying to block out the noises outside by watching the Victory Tour. Its strange though, because in the other districts, they don't make any cool speeches or anything, instead completely sticking to the monotone speeches given to them. What disappoints me the most, though is Katniss' reaction to a woman in District 8 who asks her what she really thinks of the Capitol.

Katnisa starts to open her mouth when she spots the Peacekeepers behind the crowd, guns in hand. She looks worried for a minute, then says nonchalantly into the microphone:

"Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever."

They leave the angry crowd, surging back into the Peacekeepers.

Speaking over angry crowds...

The Peacekeepers have managed to disband the situation here, though they've called more from the Capitol and placed them all around our district. Tighter security EVERYWHERE. Chaff refuses to let me out of his sight.

The most shocking event of the Victory Tour (well maybe not but still) is that Peeta proposed to Katniss, in front of the whole of Panem. I can't help but smile. Its just so cute!

Then finally, on the last day of the tour, is the party at the president's mansion. I don't know what it is, but there's something about that guy that creeps me out. He just seems like a lunatic to me.

They play several shots from the party, including Peeta and Katniss dancing. Again, really sweet. And there's always that party pooper. Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Game maker, interrupts them, proceeding to dance with Katniss. They talk about something, and then he finally leaves in time for President Snow to make his final speech of the night, giving his thanks to Katniss and Peeta for joining his party (not that they had a choice) and wishing the couple the best of luck.

* * *

The next few days after that, I visit the orchids to find the place heavily packed with Peacekeepers, covering the place all over. I also visit Thresh and Rue's families. I just had to see for myself how they were doing. Thankfully, they were all fine. They're also getting more to eat- somehow Katniss and Peeta have managed to keep this promise. That's good. Still, even with full stomachs, their hearts are empty. The best I can do is offer words of comfort.

Then comes the day when the phone rings. It surprises me, because we rarely ever get calls on the first place. Since Chaff's off somewhere on Capitol duty (whatever that means), that left me the only one home. However, when I answered it, I was surprised to hear someone I never heard before.

"Hello, Seeder speaking," I say.

"Ah yes, Ms. Kerrigan, it's nice to finally speak to you," a man says.

"Uh... who are you?" I say, trying not to sound rude.

"Oh yes, of course, how could I forget?" he says. "I'm Plutarch Heavensbee."

My stomach turns cold, and I'm tempted to hang up. However, I refrain from doing so and instead keep up the conversation.

"Oh," I say. "It's nice to meet you. What's with the call though?"

"A message from President Snow."

My heartbeat quickens. Oh god, he was so scary the first time I met him, what would he want to tell me?

"Y-yes?" I say, trying not to let the fear in my voice be evident. "What did he want to tell me?"

"There's an important program coming tomorrow afternoon on television. You and your brother are required to watch it. Is that clear?"

I let out a sigh of relief. That's it?

"Yeah, I'll tell Chaff when he gets back tonight," I say.

"Good," Heavensbee says. "It was nice talking to you, but I have to leave now."

"Okay," I say as he hangs up.

* * *

Chaff and I sit on the couch as we wait for the so called program to start. We wait in silence until the show starts. The anthem plays, and then it cuts to President Snow. Shivers run up my spine again and Chaff hugs me close, tightening his grip on me.

"Greetings, citizens of Panem," Snow says. "As you all know, this year is the year of the seventy-fifth Hunger Games, also known as the third Quarter Quell. Which means that for this games, a special twist will be added."

He pauses to let his words sink in, then continues.

"For the first Quarter Quell, as a reminder that the districts chose to rebel, the tributes were voted by the people of their fellow districts. For the second Quarter Quell, as a reminder that two rebels died for every Capitol citizen, the number of tributes were doubled."

My eyes go wide. Fourty-seven sounds like a lot more people to have to outlast than twenty-three. I feel Chaff tense. Well of course, that _is _the game that Haymitch, a good friend of his, won...

"And for the third Quarter Quell," Snow finally says, "as a reminder that even the strongest can't overcome the Capitol," he pauses, then looks up with a look that scares the living stuffing out of me. "The tributes will be reaped from their pool of victors."

Chaff gasps, but I sit there, my eyes narrowed in confusion. Then it hits me; the victors are being reaped? But... there's only one female victor from my distr-

Ah hell.

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**I'm so sorry this is late and may feel rushed :( I've had a lot of stuff with school and at home, so yeah. Also, I'm having trouble coming up with names for the stylist/prep team, so if I could get a few suggestions that would be really helpful :D Hope you liked it, I'll update soon, peace :3**


	5. Chapter 5

My feet are faster than my mind. Snow continues to talk, but it sounds like from a distance. I don't even realize I'm out the door, running. I hear Chaff scream in anger and glass shatter as I run down the lawns, into the streets. Rain starts to pour, but I ignore it as I keep running, not wanting to stop. I don't know how long I run, maybe a few minutes, maybe an hour, but I wind up at the cemetary. I run to Rue's tombstone and sink to my feet, wrapping my arms around her tombstone, finally letting the tears come, not showing any sign of stopping. My salty hot tears mix with the cool rain, trailing down my face. The rain dampens my hair and bones, chilling me to the bone. Still, I stay there, crying until I have no energy left, letting the pattering of the rain lull me to sleep, my head rested on the tombstone...

* * *

I awake to the rain still pouring and almost complete darkness. There's a pounding in my head, and I feel so dizzy. I struggle to my feet, using the tombstone for support. When I finally regain my balance, I start taking small steps, then eventually bigger steps to the Victor's Village. When I get home, I lean on the door for a second, partially to listen for any sound of my brother being awake, and partially because I'm just so exhausted. Hearing nothing, I slowly push open the door. I walk in, silently closing the door behind me. Down the hall I see the living room lit dimly. I gulp, slowly trudging down the hall. I peek from behind the wall to find Chaff sitting in an armchair, his eyes bloodshot, with broken beer bottles littered at his feet, drunk for probably the first time in his life. This is bad. Really bad. Chaff _never _drinks unless he's with Haymitch (and even then he controls himself) or he's really loosing it. I walk towards him, his gaze on me as I stand in front of him. And then comes the outburst.

"Where the hell were you?!" he yells, getting to his feet.

His voice is slurred, which means he's still drunk. This worries me. Sure, he's never hit me, but if he's drunk who knows...

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" he continues, the yelling only making my headache worse. "Don't you have any common sense? You know it's dangerous out there!"

I look at the ground, dizzy, as I whisper,

"I needed some time alone."

"WELL WHY'D YOU RUN OFF?!" he roars.

I flinch.

"Chaff," I say quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, really."

"You didn't think of that at the time," he grumbles, though his tone's a little gentler.

I grunt as a sharp stab of pain suddenly goes through my head. I clutch my head, the pounding almost unbearable, sinking to my knees. In an instant, I feel a hand on my forehead and an arm wrapped around me. Chaff says a colorful four-letter word.

"Wha-" I start to say.

"Shh," he says soothingly.

He links his arms under my legs and on my back and lifts me up bridal style. "You're burning up. I'm gonna take you to the medic."

I barely hear the last part as I'm pulled into darkness.

* * *

The sound of birds chirping slowly brings me from the deep slumber I'm in. I feel so worn out, even opening my eyes seems like a very difficult task. My eyelids stay closed, but I can still see the faded orange of the morning. Groaning, I roll over to my other side, relieved to find black behind my eyelids.

"Cece," a male voice says.

I ignore it, just wanting to sleep.

"Cece!" it says again, with a little more emphasis.

Grunting, I slowly open my eyes, seeing a fuzzy outlined figure sitting next to my bed. When my eyes focus, I realize it's just Chaff. He smiles lightly as he strokes my hair gently. He looks exhausted, his eyes drooping and dark bags under his eyes.

"Hey," he says softly.

"Hey," I say.

"You feeling alright?" he asks gently.

"Yeah," I reply simply.

We remain silent for a few minutes, him continuing to stroke my hair.

"You have pneumonia," he finally says. "From staying in the rain so long, that is. The stress of the situation didn't really help much either..."

Right. Third Quarter Quell. Going back to that hellhole. I totally freaked out. I sigh sadly, turning to face the ceiling.

"There's a reason they call us victors and not winners," I say quietly. "We might be victorious in the arena, but we can _never_ win against the Capitol. As they've just demonstrated."

He looks down at the floor, then stretches out his hand. I take it.

"I'm going to volunteer," he says.

I sit up in my bed, my eyes wide.

"No!" I shout, suddenly full of energy. "You can't! I'm already gonna die, you just can't die too!"

He looks at me, shocked at first, then the look melts into one I'm so familiar with. The look of a protective father. Sure, he's my brother, but he's been raising me since I was six...

"You're only fourteen, Cece," he says calmly, like he's talking to a toddler. "You haven't lived yet. You've got your whole life ahead of you."

"And what about you?!" I screech, tears pricking at my eyes, threatening to spill over. "You're twenty! You've got your life in front of you too!"

I can't help it, the tears are flowing down my cheeks by now. He pulls me into a hug. I bury my head in his chest as I continue to tremble.

"You're all that I have left," he whispers. "And I just won't be able to see you get hurt."

I pull away, looking down at my blankets.

"You're gonna leave me," I say, barely above a whisper.

He tilts my chin up, bringing my eyes to his.

"I'll never leave you," he says lovingly.

He points to my heart.

"I'll always be there, just like mom and dad and everyone else is."

Still, that doesn't make it any easier.

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**Hope you liked it! Really excited for the next chapters, it'll be good. Also, if I could have a little help with name suggestions for capitol people that would be really helpful :) thanks again, I'll get the next chapter up sometime soon. peace :3**


	6. Chapter 6

**6 Months Later**

The day I'm dreading finally comes. Sighing, I put on a simple sundress and blazer. After I comb my hair, I meet up with Chaff in the living room, already wearing a casual button down shirt and pants. He looks up at me, a half-hearted smile on his face as I slip on my shoes. Then we're out the door, not particularly in any rush.

When we arrive there, the place is packed with people, from my district and lots of Peacekeepers as well. There's two small roped off areas. I stand by my lonesome while Chaff goes off to the other seven male victors. I catch Lilac's eye. She looks like she's about to cry. I give a small smile and she gives one back. I'll be able to say goodbye before I leave.

Silence suddenly descends as the mayor walks to the front of the stage. He gives his mandatory speech, which I zone out to. Then too soon, Brin Chappery, the same escort our district's had for ten years, walks to the microphone. Though she has her usual perky smile, her eyes betray her. Is she upset about this?

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the reaping for the Third Quarter Quell, the seventy-fifth hunger games. As always," she pauses and looks at the ground, then looks back at us with a sad smile, "ladies first."

She takes slow, hesitant steps towards the crystal ball holding only my name. I look down as a single tear spills from my eye, moving its way to the crook of my nose.

"Seeder Kerrigan."

Not surprising, of course. A Peacekeeper grips my shoulder and forces me to move forward. When I pass by the male victors, I notice Chaff with his head down, purposely avoiding eye contact with me. When I reach the foot of the stage, I clutch Brin's outstretched hand, more for comfort than for help up the stage. She walks us to the microphone.

"Any volunteers?" she asks.

Everyone knows no one is able to volunteer for me, but it's still mandatory Brin says that. I where I am as she walks to the males' glass ball and reaches her hand in, pulling out a slip. She walks back to the microphone and opens up the slip.

"Raccolto Hayes."

I don't even have time to let a breath I didn't know I was holding before Chaff's hurling himself up onto the stage, practically shouting put that he volunteers. I run to him and hug him in a death grip, burying my face in his chest as he wraps his arms around me. I refuse to cry though. I knew he was going to do this, but that doesn't mean this is easy. There's just no way he can protect both of us.

"Well, that's that," Brin says.

Chaff and I pull apart, and look towards the crowd. Among them are looks of sympathy, and some anger, towards the Capitol. Then I can't help it. I whistle the four note tune. Because it just feels so right.

I'm suddenly being pulled back. I turn around to see the train coming closer and closer. Panic overcomes me.

"Wait!" I shout. "Don't we get to say goodbye?"

"New protocol," the head peacekeeper says.

I look back to the crowd, where there's a surge of people coming forward, clashing against the wall of Peacekeepers. I'm dragged farther back. I finally spot Lilac looking straight at me.

"Good-bye!" I shout desperately.

Now there's even more anger, not to me, but the Capitol for causing all of this. For causing so many children to die for 'entertainment'. For forcing a fifteen year old back into the arena. And boy, they're ticked. They're shouting now, breaking past the barricade. The last thing I hear as the train door slams in front of my face is Lilac's desperate cry for me to come back, echoing in my head long after the train's pulled put pf the station.

* * *

I stand there, staring at the window panel, the shouts still ringing in my head. When I finally do turn around, Brin and Chaff are looking at me expectantly. How long were they standing there?

I throw myself at Brin, hugging her tightly. Sure, she's from the Capitol, but she's the only nice person from there that I know. Her and my prep team. Besides, I could really use a hug right now. I sob into her shoulder as she rubs my back, whispering soothing words of comfort.

"I really hate this," she whispers to me. "Forcing victors back into the arena."

Maybe there _are _some people in the Capitol against this...

She finally pulls away, telling us she'll call us when dinner's ready, then walks off to another car. Chaff and I stare awkwardly at each other before I wordlessly sit down on the couch. Chaff follows suit as I turn on the television to watch the reaping recaps.

Cashmere and Gloss both volunteer from district one, as do Enobaria and Brutus from two. What's more is that they're _happy _about going back. Well, once a Career always a Career, as I say. Still, I actually kind of know them, which is worse than not knowing...

Wiress and Beetee get reaped from three. Finnick and Mags from four. Mags volunteered for Annie. God, Annie looks so scared, having a panic attack right then and there. Poor girl.

The tributes from six are morphlings. From seven is Johanna and Blight. I'm not surprised about Johanna getting reaped, since she's the only female victor from her district. She must be ticked off though, having to go back there.

From eight is Cecelia and Woof. My heart wrenches when the Peacekeepers pry off her three children. I can still hear them crying in the background as she walks up the stage, her head held high. I can't help but admire her.

Then of course there's my district. I already know who's going, but I still watch it anyways. Me being reaped, Chaff lunging at the opportunity to volunteer. We hug, the the commenters get their two cent in about Chaff volunteering to protect me. Well no duh, everyone knows he loves me so much.

And I finally from twelve is Katniss and Peeta. Katniss is no surprise, since she's the only female victor her district's ever had, but Peeta volunteered for Haymitch, probably to protect Katniss. And as I'm sitting there, staring at the screen, I can't help but wonder how I'm gonna be able to face all these people _and _get Chaff home...

Brin announces that dinner's ready. I turn off the TV and we walk into the kitchen. Not a word is said through dinner. There's some kind of soup, porkchops, cake. Normally it would taste heavenly, but right now I might as well be eating sawdust. After I finish, I retreat to my room, closing the door behind myself. I flop on the bed, bury my face in the pillow, and scream as long and loud as I can, ignoring the tears soaking the pillow. When I finally stop. I don't even remember falling asleep.

* * *

I wake up, panting. The same nightmare. Why does this keep happening...

I slowly get off my bed, walking silently down the hallway. I push open the door, leaning against the frame, watching his sleeping form.

"Chaff?" I finally say.

He mumbles something unintelligible, then turns over to his side, gazing at me, his eyes glazed.

"Hmm?" he mumbles tiredly.

"Can I sleep with you?" I ask timidly, like I'm a little six year old again.

His eyes widen in surprise. I haven't slept with him in nearly a year, when the nightmares seemed to have stopped, but this is a good reason.

"Sure," he says gently.

He lifts the blanket and I crawl in, resting my head on the pillow, my face a few inches from his. He covers us with the blanket. My arms wrap around my stomach as he pulls me close, resting my head against his chest as he wraps his arm protectively around me. I listen to his heart beat for awhile, saying nothing.

"You shouldn't have volunteered," I say after I can't take the silence anymore.

He stiffens.

"Cece, I'm doing this for you," he says lightly.

I roll my eyes.

"You can't protect both of us," I say.

"Just watch me," he says.

"Right," I say, grinning, looking up at him. "Never get in the way of a protective mother."

"Hey!" he says jokingly.

"It's true though," I say.

"Just go to bed," he says.

I roll my eyes and bury my head in his chest again. I realize two things before I finally fall asleep. One, Chaff's very much like an grizzly bear mother, caring and fierce. And two, that's exactly why I'm gonna get him out.


	7. Chapter 7

I groan as the orange pops up behind my eyelids. I slowly strain open my eyes to find bright sunlight streaming through the window. I shiver and realize the bed's empty. Running my hand through my hair, I get up and walk to the mirror. I'm still in my reaping clothes, and my hair's a mess. Sighing, I start walking to the breakfast car. I put on a happier face and walk in to find Brin and Chaff already up, talking about something. They look up at me.

"Morning!" I say cheerfully, sliding into my seat as I'm served food.

Brin looks at me weirdly, Chaff sadly.

"Why all the doom and gloom people?" I ask.

"You're going back into the arena!" Brin exclaims.

I shrug my shoulders, then start piling in. Chaff gazes at me. He understands why I act like this. It's my way of copying with things. Always been, actually. Besides, it's nice to deny reality sometimes.

"So we don't have mentors this year?" I ask.

"No," Brin says. "Except for district twelve, since their tributes have only been victors for a year."

"Makes sense," I say, pushing my plate away. "It really is nice to see you again, Brin."_  
_

She smiles sadly and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"I just wish it could've been under better circumstances, sweetheart."

I smile grimly.

"We're here," Chaff suddenly says.

I turn around to see us pulling into the dark tunnel that comes right before the train station. Thirty seconds of pure darkness, then blinding lights coming out from the darkness. I hiss as my eyes adjust, then open them to find people waving to us from outside as we pull into the station. When Chaff waves to them there comes a chorus of female screams of joy. I roll my eyes. He _has _always been popular with the ladies here.

I sit next to him and join in on the fun, waving to all the people, squealing _oohs _and _aahs. _I also see money exchange hands.

"I could _kill_ them all," I say between grit teeth.

"Just smile and wave, Cece," he says. "Smile and wave."

* * *

The conversation through prep is friendly. We joke around and catch up. They rip hair from my arms, legs, and other places I'd rather not talk about and then they lather me with lotion.

"Annika will be here soon," Estacia says when we're finished.

"Okay," I say cheerfully.

She smiles at this, though I can tell all three of them can see right through my act.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asks for the hundredth time.

"Even if I wasn't," I say slowly, "there's nothing you could do about it. So we might as well make the best of it."

She smiles at me sadly, squeezing my shoulder as the three of them exit the room. It's only then that I let my composure slip. A soft sob escapes my lips and I bring my knees to my chest, trembling.

"You're a dang good actor," a cool voice says.

I look up, cheeks flushed, so see Annika leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across her chest, clutching a clipboard.

"But you can't fool me."

"Good to see you too," I joke.

She smiles lightly at this, then motions for me to follow. We walk into the dining area and I sit in one of the chairs as she sits in the other, pushing a button for lunch to come up. I start digging in while she talks.

"Fifteen. You know that," I say with my mouth full of food.

"And your brother?"

"Twenty one," I say in between bites.

"For goodness sake child, weren't you ever taught not to talk with food in your mouth!" she says in an exasperated voice, though she's grinning.

I swallow and put my plate down, looking her right in the eye.

"I was raised by _Chaff_," I say in a dead serious tone.

For a few moments, nothing. Then we burst out laughing. I'm grateful for this. It's nice to genuinely smile and laugh for once.

"So, what're the costumes?" I ask once we calmed down. "Overalls like always?"

"For your brother, yes," she says.

She turns the clipboard around and I eye the sketch, at a loss of words.

"But for you, I've got something different planned this year," she says with a twinkle in her eye. "It'll represent the little girl the Capitol knows you as slowly turning into a young woman, though still a child in some ways."

I groan.

"Why does everyone act like I'm a child?" I say, exasperated.

She puts her hands on my shoulders.

"Because, darling, you still are," she says softly.

I smile lightly. She gets up and I follow her to the changing room.

"Now let's get you changed."

* * *

A few hours later, I'm gazing at myself in a full length mirror, eyes wide as saucers.

"Do you like it?" Annika whispers from behind me.

I shake my head no.

"I love it," I whisper back.

I'm wearing a long strapless white dress that goes down to my ankles, loose and thin and flowing at the hem of the skirt. A loose green string is tied around my waist, the ends flowing down my stomach. Gold sandals are fitted on my feet, and on each of my wrists is a cloth wristband, along with an armband on my right arm. My hair is loose, a sleek, shiny black waterfall cascading just past my shoulder blades. And atop my head head sits the leafy complexioned silver crown. I look breathtaking.

"Thank you," I breathe out.

"I'm glad you like it," she says. "Now come on."

We take the elevator down to the floor of the Remake Center. Annika says she has something to do and says she'll meet up with me at the end of the ceremonies, so I'm left alone walking through the stables. Unlike the last games I had, everyone's talking. People wave to me, and I smile back shyly, scanning for Chaff.

"Cece!" a voice says behind me.

I turn around to find Johanna jogging up to me.

"Hey Jo," I call her by the nickname she hates when she catches up to me.

She rolls her eyes.

"Hey kid. You look great."

"Thanks," I say. "And you look-" I scan my eyes up and down her costume. "...like a tree."

She groans.

"My district's been trees for the last forty years," she grumbles under her breath.

"Have you seen Chaff?" I ask suddenly, trying to avoid an angry Johanna- not fun. "I can't find hi-"

I suddenly squeal as I'm literally swept off my feet and spun around as I hear Johanna laugh. I clutch Chaff's arm as I look up at him, grinning. My smile falls when I find him staring intently at me, emotions void.

"Do I look alright?" I ask shyly.

He suddenly grins.

"You look beautiful," he says. "Just like a princess."

"And _you, _mister," Johanna suddenly says, placing a finger on his chest, "look as stunning as ever in that costume."

Chaff looks around uncomfortably, and I hold back my laughs. They've always loved to poke fun at each other.

"But to be honest," she lowers her eyes and puts on her fake seductive voice, "I'd rather see you _out _of it."

I burst out laughing as his face pales, and even Johanna cracks a genuine grin.

I look over Johanna's shoulder and smirk.

"Looks like Finnick's working his magic," I say before Chaff can retort back. "Look."

They follow my line of vision to find an amusing sight. Finnick's talking with Katniss, almost _on top _of her, his face a few inches from hers. Whatever he's saying, it's making her blush, though I have a pretty faint idea...

Peeta starts walking to him, and Finnick takes the cue, turning around and walking towards us.

"Manslut much?" Johanna says jokingly when he finally comes.

"Johanna!" Chaff exclaims, his eyes darting between her and me.

I roll my eyes.

"You're way too overprotective," I say nonchalantly.

"Well well well," Finnick says. "Do my eyes deceive me, or is that the little Cece we know? Or maybe she's been replaced?"

I roll my eyes.

"It's me, Fin," I say. "The one and only. And for the record, I'm not that little!"

He smirks.

"Shame though, that you're almost ten years younger than me," he says, gently taking a strand of my hair. "If you were a few years older-"

"Okay then," Chaff says, putting himself between us. "Finnick, please refrain yourself. I don't want you corrupting my innocent sister," he says in a serious tone, though I can see his lips tug upward just so slightly.

"Geez, I was just kidding," Finnick says, grinning.

Chaff opens his mouth just as the announcement to get onto the chariots booms over. We wave goodbye before departing, going to our chariot. Chaff gets in, then helps me up. I hold the bar with one hand while still clutching his hand in the other. He doesn't seem to have any intention of letting go, so I don't either. All the chariots line up in order,a nd then the anthem booms, the first chariot entering into the crowd, their cheers deafening, and sickening as well. The chariots pull out one by one, disappearing into the light. Then it's our turn. I suck in a breath and squeeze Chaff's hand. I look on ahead as we pull out of the remake center, the light blinding me, the cheer of the crowd so loud I can't even hear myself think. Well then, this should be fun.

* * *

**this was kinda a filler chapter so yeah. Anyway please review, I love that,and I'll update soon. And one important announcement. I'm thinking of writing the 72nd hunger games (seeders game) after i finish this story (won't be for quite a bit but still) so I was wondering if you guys would like that? please let me know, and that's about it it. Peace and unicorns :3**


	8. Chapter 8

Disgust. That's all I feel. How can these people stand there, cheering us as we ride ever so closer to our death?

We ride down the road, people loud and cheerful. Chaff looks ahead while I look around at the tributes. Then Katniss and Peeta's names are being shouted, and of course I look back. I nearly fall out of the chariot, but thankfully Chaff pulls me back in.

"What is it?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"And once again, the tributes of district twelve return with a fiery entrance!" Claudius announces over the speakers.

"That answer your question?" I mumble.

He half smiles at me and looks on ahead. The chariots make a last lap around the circle before stopping in front of the balcony overlooking us, President Snow looking down at his. He's literally above us.

"Welcome, one and all," he says, glancing at the tributes, my heart skipping a beat when he glances at me, but thankfully looks away at twelve's tributes.

Is he glaring at Katniss?

"We are here to celebrate the seventy fifth hunger games."

He continues on with his speech, which I drone out. I look around at the other tributes. I know these people, how am I supposed to go into this arena knowing they'll all have to die if I want Chaff to survive?

The audience applauds as my chariot lurches forward, snapping me out of my gaze. We all head into the training center and then the doors close behind us. Tributes are greeted by their stylists and escorts, and I scan around for Brin or Annika or Vivius (Chaff's stylist) but see none of them. My eyes stop when I see Haymitch walking towards us. I smile as he and Chaff embrace, talking a mile a minute and catching up. I look past Haymitch to find Katniss looking at us. Our eyes meet for a moment, then she looks away.

"Cece, Cece!"

"Huh, wha-" I look up at Haymitch as he looks down at me amused. "Sorry," I say. "I was just looking around-"

"Wanna meet them?" he cuts me off.

My eyes widen in surprise for a second, then I nod. Of course I want to, and even if I didn't, Chaff would drag me there anyway. Haymitch motions with his head to follow, which we do. My heart pounds as we make our way over. When we finally get there, I can tell Katniss recognizes Chaff right away, probably from the time he and Haymitch get on onscreen when they're mentoring for the games. Haymitch wraps an arm around Chaff's shoulders.

"This is Chaff," he says to Katniss and Peeta, though it's probably unnecessary. "And that's his sister, Seeder."

Peeta smiles gently at me, and I return a small smile. My gaze shifts to Katniss. I can tell she recognizes me instantly as the girl from the tour who stared her down, who couldn't bare to have her leave without saying anything about the fallen. I see it in ever eyes as recognition flashes across them. We lock eyes for a moment, then her gaze shifts down, slowly tracing down, then suddenly stops. I know what she's looking at, though she doesn't seem surprised it's there. I wrap my left arm around my stomach so the scar isn't showing anymore. She looks back at me, sadness in her eyes. Before I can stop myself I hug her, wrapping my arms around her neck. She only hesitates a second before hugging me back, wrapping her arms around my back.

"The families?" she finally whispers, so quietly it's barely above a whisper.

Of course she's talking about Rue and Thresh's families.

"They're fine," I whisper back just as quietly before letting go, rubbing my eyes.

Chaff throws his good arm around her and kisses her on her mouth. She probably thinks he's crazy, but Haymitch and I know he's just trying to cut the tension. It works, because I burst out laughing along with the guys while Katniss stares wide eyed at us. I open my mouth to say something, but instead I'm being pushed towards the elevators. Guess they don't like the interactions between victors.

Haymitch, Peeta, Katniss, Chaff and I are herded into an elevator. Right before it closes, Johanna slips through. She throws out her headdress and then turns to us after the door closes and we're shooting up.

"Your outfit looks amazing!" Johanna exclaims enthusiastically to Katniss. "God, I wish I had your stylist, mine's such an idiot," she continues on, taking off her bracelets.

"Thanks," Katniss says back. "I'll tell Cinna you said that."

But Johanna doesn't seem to be paying attention. She turns so her back is facing Peeta, her hair pulled out of the way. I don't like where this is going.

"The zipper's stuck," she says oh-so-innocently to him. "Can you help me?"

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing as he does her bidding. I'm transfixed as Johanna turns around, gripping the sleeves of her outfit. Chaff slaps his good hand over my eyes before she can go any further.

"Really, Chaff?" Johanna says sarcastically. "Cece's a big girl, she can handle it."

I giggle and Chaff merely grunts. I hear more rustling and I can guess what Johanna's doing. Then silence.

"Much better!" she finally says.

Then the elevator dings.

"Thanks!" shes says. "Let's do it again!" shes says, though this time from a farther distance.

Chaff finally removes his hand as the elevator shoots up to reveal a very distraught looking Katniss, her jaw still locked in a look of shock and disturb. I look at Haymitch and see he's grinning.

"Johanna Mason," he says to Kantiss and Peeta. "District seven."

"I think she likes you," I say cheerfully to Katniss.

She and Peeta slowly turn their heads to me, and I grin. Then the elevator dings for our floor and the door opens.

"See ya around!" I say happily.

They wave to me as Chaff and I walk out. I wait for the door to close and the elevator to shoot up before I burst out laughing. I lean against the wall for support, still laughing- my insides hurt. After a few moments, I try to look at Chaff seriously. My poker face lasts for about three seconds, and is go into another fit of giggles. It takes a few more minutes for me to finally calm down.

"What?" he says, irritated, when I'm finally calm.

"Just couldn't help yourselves, could ya'?" I say simply, still grinning.

"Huh?"

"Finnick flirting with Katniss," I begin. "You kissing Katniss, and now Johanna stripping? Something's definitely up."

He looks at me with mock glare, and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"We just wanted to mess with her," he finally says.

I grin, shaking my head at him. These are definitely gonna be an interesting few days.

* * *

**I've been waiting for the scene where Seeder and Kantiss officially meet :) and oh gosh I've been dying for the elevator scene xDDDD **

**anyway sorry I haven't updated in awhile, schools been rough and yeah. I'll try to update by next weekend. Also, I'm thinking of writing the 72nd hunger games (seeders games) after this story, should I? Please let me know, and please review, ideas and constructive criticism is always appreciated. Till then, peace my unicorns :3**


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